Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: PITCH PERFECT 3

I’ll aca-start this off by saying PITCH PERFECT 3 is easily the worst of the Pitch Perfect movies. Now to say I am not qualified to review these movies is heresay. I loved the first movie, loved it, and I think it is a classic in terms of those types of competition movies in the same group as Bring It On. The second movie was okay and sort of entertaining for the most part. But you can tell that the screenwriter of the first didn’t think there would ever be a sequel to this series and had no idea where to take the second one. But at least they came up with something realistic if not totally original. With this film, a 20 minute subplot completely fucks up everything. And the movie doesn’t even waste time hinting at the subplot. In fact, it’s so insane, it starts out with this utterly bombastic stupid subplot, goes to something that was actually quite creative story wise, and then goes back to the stupid subplot near the end. They had a 75 minute decent movie and ruined it by stretching it to 95 minutes.

I won’t spoil this subplot, but I will say it involves an actor I respect, John Lithgow. Now Lithgow is a utter genius in projects (see The Crown) but he also takes those paychecks (see Daddy’s Home 2), and this was clearly a paycheck gig. In fact, I wonder if he was working on Daddy’s Home and Universal walked over to that lot and offered him another million to do this stupid thing. What I liked about the Pitch Perfect movies, is that even though the Acapella Group contest was sort of a weird yet charming type competition movie, it was mostly all grounded in reality. This 20 minute subplot in this movie says, “fuck reality, we are Hollywood and have absolutely no ideas left. Let’s also put in the Fat Amy can do karate and shit!”

And its a shame because the rest of the movie isn’t that bad. The fact that all the Bellas are struggling with their jobs and want to do one last thing together is admirable, and really the only place the series could’ve gone. They get together to join a musical road/air show to support the military troops. In the middle of it they find out the sponsor, DJ Khaleed is going to pick one of the acts to start for him on his tour. The Bellas biggest competition is another girl band that uses instruments, is lead by Ruby Rose, and their band name is EverMoist. People that know me know that I hate the worst moist and every time it was said in this I almost started coughing (but I assure you that isn’t a reason why I didn’t like this movie). They have some funny and interesting little side competitions riffs and the music all the groups do and mix up is move in your seat worthy and nice to listen to.

And the conclusion of the girls normal life stories is nice and wraps everything up in a little bow. All the acting is the exact same from the first two. Anna Kendrick and all the other ladies, including Rebel Wilson, are still quirky and likable (the subplot doesn’t ruin Rebel Wilson’s charm, just the story). The only thing I didn’t like is that it ditches Anna Kendrick’s and Rebel Wilson’s love interests from the first two films in two lines of dialogue. I can’t stand when they do that but oh well, life isn’t perfect anyhow, so it’s forgivable. Hopefully everything being wrapped up means that their isn’t a fourth one. Because the movies are getting increasingly worse since the first. If that happens, you should know it is finally time to quit (although we’ll probably get some straight to video 4th involving none of the original actors and it will be like 5th graders doing it in elementary school). But I don’t normally count VOD sequels as true sequels, unless you are a Chucky film.

But the movie was completely ruined by the stupid John Lithgow subplot for me, and there is not way to look past it. It starts terribly at the beginning of the film, hints at it a couple of times throughout the film, and then ends even more terribly than when it started. I wonder with all these petitions for different cuts of films nowadays (like people wanting a Kevin Spacey cut of All The Money In The World or a Zach Snyder cut of Justice League) if we could get a new cut of Pitch Perfect 3 where its only 75 to 80 minutes. Who knows? I only know one truth: it’s time…for the Bellas…to end.

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