Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: GREY LADY

Again, another movie you haven’t ever heard of. It stars Eric Dane, you played McSteamy on Grey’s Anatomy. But you know what the saddest part I’m about to write about the film GREY LADY? I would honestly rather watch any episode of Grey’s Anatomy than suffer the torture I had while watching this film ever again. What is a great concept for a neo-noir thriller with a interesting story is completely “cement on your feet and then thrown into an ocean” bogged down with terribly bad acting, some of the worst dialogue I have ever heard, terrible direction, and the story reveals too many cards too early in the game for the rest of the movie to be even remotely interesting.

And Eric Dane (Heard he’s good on The Last Ship and Natalie Zea has been great in a bunch of things like Justified) isn’t a bad actor. In fact, none of these people really are bad actors, it’s the dialogue and other shit they are given in the script that make them look terrible. Not only that but all the characters make really really dumb choices, both bad guys and good guys, that it was hard to take any of it seriously. The script is so convoluted, Eric Dane’s characters leaves a place literally 5 seconds before different characters have a gun stand off. Pretty laughable.

The story is about a cop who keeps losing some of his family members to murder and a trap set by the killer just made him lose his female partner (who he had been sleeping with and she just found out she was pregnant! dun dun duuuuuun!). The last words that she says to him makes him follow some clues to Nantucket Island, where the past catches up to him, and the killer also follows him there. It’s a race against time to find the killer before he ‘kills’ again, but this time it’s the innocent people of Nantucket who is on his chopping block.

See how cheesy I wrote that paragraph? That’s how the ENTIRE movie plays out. It is a noir thriller, but the noir is taken away with all the cheese and lame writing. Now, the movie does have a pretty cool story in there. Once everything was revealed, I imagined a much better movie played out in my head, and with a better director, it could’ve been fantastic. But when the cop can’t shoot and kill someone because of a certain spoilery reason I won’t reveal here, he says why he can’t kill this person so over dramatically it made me had the best laugh I had this past Sunday.

Why did Cinemark Legacy decide to show this movie? Just found out that it is coming out on DVD in like two months. Did they really think this had the star power and storyline to warrant a theatrical release? It has no review on Rotton Tomatoes right now, and I can’t find a single review anywhere. The only thing that I look forward to this film when it comes out in June to read other reviews to see how bad they thought it was. But yes, this movie is definitely one that should not only have not been released into one theater theatrically, but never made at all.

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