Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: GEOSTORM

going into a movie like GEOSTORM, any movie geek knows that you are going to get one of two possible experiences out of these four staple scenarios. With each movie you are going to get one of four possible outcomes (with some mixtures of course). I am going to list these outcomes with example of each.

  1. Good Good Movie (your Oscar winners, Star Wars, some Bond films, Men In Black, etc.)
  2. Bad Bad Movie (Fifty Shades series, Halloween II (Rob Zombie), The Emoji Movie, Independence Day: Resurgence, etc.)
  3. Bad Good Movies (recent movies such The Snowman and mother!, two bad films in my opinion that had so much potential)
  4. Good Bad Movies (Starship Troopers, spoof movies, San Andreas, Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow, 2012…)

I hope you kind of recognized the last couple of films. Those were directed by the filmmaker Roland Emmerich and co-written by Emmerich and Dean Devlin. Disaster films in general always end up in the Good Bad Movie categories. Movies that on paper for some reason shouldn’t work on screen, but they do for the most part and are fun to watch. But occasionally, they can be put in the Bad Bad Movies. Case in point: the recent Independence Day: Resurgence. A movie that tried too hard to be both cheesy and try to take the possible franchise in a new direction instead of sticking to formula. And it just didn’t worked. In fact, it sucked. I would blame both Emmerich and Devlin for the sequel to a great good bad movie original to be that shitty.

Well, after that failure, Mr. Devlin recently decided he wanted to try out both writing and directing solo to see how everything would go for him. He’s had plenty of experience where he should know what to do and when to do it. So the main question is, how is Geostorm? I’m happy to report that it is at least better than Independence Day Resurgence. But I’m a bit sad to report that it doesn’t necessarily go in the Good Bad Movie category, because the second half of this films leans toward the bad bad film category. So it’s a mixture of both. If they would’ve stuck with the fun of the first half, it could’ve gone more swimmingly.

And thankfully the movie isn’t just The Day After Tomorrow Part 2. There isn’t just something wrong with this satellite/giant project that can control the world’s weather and prevent deaths/destruction/etc. The plot hints that someone is using it as a weapon. And the film balances from hanging in space where “I don’t give a fuck what movie I’m in” Gerard Butler tries to figure out what is going on, and his brother on Earth trying to figure out what’s going on, while we see some damage of what this satellite space project, code named Dutch Boy can do.

And surprisingly, the film falters in the second half, where the Geostorm is starting to happen and we see a bunch of CGI madness all happening at once. The first half builds the appropriate amount of tension needed, not going all out bukake and showing just disaster after disaster, the special effects are pretty incredible and the acting is actually decent. But then the movie gets extremely lazy, the CGI starts to show, the subplot of kidnapping the President that involves a self driving small cab and a bazooka held by the bad guy getting pretty damn ridiculous, and a hail mary of an ending that is completely eye rolling.

I heard that there were massive reshoots to this movie, and that Jerry Bruckheimer came in to clean up some of the mess. I have a feeling he reshot the first half of the movie, while leaving the second half in tack. My reason? The movie starts out with this really dumb narration by Gerard Butler’s daughter about how disaster and destruction led to the building of this device. She is telling us, and not showing us what happened. While it is a huge cop out I have a feeling Devlin actually showed us what happened at the beginning, it was cheesy as hell, and not refilmable.  I don’t know, maybe it is just me. Oh, and if you want to know who the easily predictable bad guy is, just know your cliches, and know your bad guy film history and you should be able to solve it right when the asshole comes on screen.

I was entertained throughout the entire cheese, so I wouldn’t consider the whole event a huge loss. But I wonder if a little more time and effort went into this movie we could’ve had something really good like the first Independence Day or The Day After Tomorrow? As is, it’s a pretty great Netflix rental. The perfect movie that you put on in the background while you are doing other things, something that will not hold your attention as well as other disaster movies might. I would say that is okay, but I honestly think humanity can do better with these films. They just need to stop being so damn lazy.

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