Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: BLOCKERS (society won’t let it be called C**KBLOCKERS)

I get it. I get that in the marketing the rooster in front of the word BLOCKERS is supposed to make the older teens and adults this movie is supposed to appeal to let them know that the movie should be called Cockblockers. I get that we have a society too young to read that word out loud on posters and ask their parents exactly what it means and then just keep repeating it and repeating it like its the word of the year and get into some unexpected trouble. But when the opening title comes up at the beginning of the movie, couldn’t they at least just call it Cockblockers? Hopefully the younger audience that the studio doesn’t want to know what the real title is won’t be in the theater, and if they are, they have parents that just don’t give a fuck. Blockers is just so tame of a name, it sounds like a God damn football movie. Fortunately, this is my only complaint about this movie.

And it isn’t a football movie (thank God, we don’t need another), it is a sweet and light-hearted, yet at times really raunchy and hilarious sex comedy where a lot of the cliched roles are reversed. Instead of the boys trying to lose their virginity at prom, it’s the girls, and instead of being just the girls’ story, it mainly features the parents and their desperate efforts to stop their daughters from making  a potentially bad life altering mistake. I loved this movie, I laughed out loud quite a bit, and was glad that they turned a very, very overdone formula into something new and refreshing. I loved all the resolutions and the ending was pitch perfect (if you look up details about this movie you’ll know that what I just said is a pun). It’s a rare sex comedy that is fun for the whole family to go out and watch, albeit a older family with kids in their older teens.

Where Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson should just stick to action films (he’s tried Baywatch and The Tooth Fairy and those didn’t work out too well for him), John Cena needs to stay in comedies (where the action film 12 Rounds and other Direct To Video shit didn’t work out for him either). He completely steals the show in this and has that wonderful comedic charm, playing on the joke and against type that he is a really really really built individual but has the emotional stability of a 11 year old child. We knew he had the  talent in Sisters and Trainwreck, but here he is the star and we get to see his true potential. The butt chugging scene is way funnier in the movie than it is played out in the trailers. In fact, most of the funny bits are saved in the movie and haven’t been released in any marketing yet, even the red band trailers.

You Leslie Mann haters out there that don’t like her that much because she plays the same character in every film, well, this movie won’t do much to change your mind. She plays the same character here again, yet if there is any difference it is that the character isn’t as mean as her previous ones. But for some reason I have always found Leslie Mann delightful, and in this I liked her as well. Trying to fight John Cena for a “King of scene stealing title” would be Mindy Project’s Ike Barinholtz, who shares a blind folding semi sex scene (I will not spoil this) where they play off each other like comedy gold. All three of the parents roles are perfectly cast.

My opinion is the same for the daughters as well. In fact, if you cut this movie apart and compared screen time, I wouldn’t be surprised if the daughters don’t have just a couple of minutes less than their parents. The daughters are played sweetly by Kathryn Newton, raunchy as hell by Geraldine Viswanathan, and mysteriously by Gideon Adlon. I don’t want to ruin Ms. Adlon’s story arc, but needless to say I am glad the marketing hid this pretty well, as her story is the most interesting of the three, while also trying to deal with the past action of her father (Barinholtz). The other two are interesting too, and some parts of their stories didn’t end so cliche, and were quite surprising, which I was most appreciative of.

Kay Cannon, who wrote the Pitch Perfect movies, makes her directorial debut in this (she didn’t co-write the screenplay surprisingly) and she does a zany great job with all the situations and makes directing comedies look easy. I hope she does more of this in the future, and doesn’t write sequels like Pitch Perfect 2 or 3 ever again). I also liked that the movie didn’t resort to the story beat that if the parents wouldn’t have tried to stop their kids, the teens would’ve ended up the same at the end of the night anyway. Movies that try to do that are lazy and have no imagination. This thankfully has a complete point A, to point B, to end at point C kind of story, which taking that and all the hilarious jokes, dialogue, and sticky situations all the characters get in, makes one great Spring comedy that you shouldn’t miss. Don’t cockblock yourself, see this movie, I guarantee you’ll have a fun time.

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