Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: A QUIET PLACE (NO SPOILERS!)

A QUIET PLACE is one of the best horror/thrillers of the year, if not already THE best. Every year, horror/thrillers come and go by the way side, with maybe a max of three making the “great” cut, and one of those three making the “masterpiece” of the cut. In my gut, this is already the “masterpiece” of 2018. This movie is very scary. Every jump scare is earned, no tricks and no making the audience feel like morons and cheated out. Oh and uh, I absolutely LOVE this film mainly because it is the first movie in a long long while that REQUIRES you to shut the fuck up during the movie. If you are a movie talker (or texter) and have no respect for the people you don’t know trying to watch the movie around you, I already think you are a piece of shit. But if you try to pull that crap during this film, you are going to have others possibly beat the shit out of you if you open your mouth.

There are possibly less than 10 lines of dialogue in this movie. And maybe about 20 to 25 sentences are sign language with subtitles for the audience. The rest is pure score, albeit used very sporadically, and the rest is dead fucking silence. You cough in the theater, you are going to be noticed. The movie takes its title literally. The theater, which was sold out by the way, was so quiet, I could hear the end credits of Ready Player One playing in the other theater. All the silence, noises where they need to be, and the score coming on where it needs to, completely amplifies your experience where you feel like you are actually there. It’s incredible.

Most of you know that real life married couple John Krasinski and Emily Blunt are in this film, but few of you probably know that Krasinski co-wrote this film, and also completely directed it. Yeah, Jim from The Office directed a horror movie. You have to hand it to the guy, I wouldn’t want to be known for playing one character my entire life. He tried to play something different at the end of Detroit, which didn’t work out really well, and the other films he co wrote (Promised Land) and directed (The Hollars) were ok, but he was basically Jim in those. Except for 13 Hours Michael Bay film, he definitely wasn’t Jim in that. And with this, and if he keeps on doing pieces of art like this, he is going to break completely free. He hardly speaks in this movie at all, and yes I was like “oh hey Jim, long time no see, how’s Dwight?” at the beginning, but less than a minute in, I knew he was a different survivalist type character, and Jim completely vanished. He could either do roles like that, or get out of acting and go completely behind a pen or completely behind the camera. Time will tell.

After a very emotional opening, the movie is about a family living secluded in the year 2021-2022, where most of the human population is dead. See there are these alien/creatures that are blind and can hunt you down like a motherfucker if you make any sound, so you have to be completely quiet and not make any sound above a dull whisper. The family is getting ready to have a child and (according to the billboard the survivalist dad has in the basement of the house to monitor these alien/creature sons of bitches) three are confirmed in the area. That is all I will tell you. If you hope to get a complete origin story about the aliens/creatures that are killing off the human race, prepare to be disappointed. But if you are easter egg lover like me and pay attention to the movie and look very carefully, there origin is completely spelled out in ink. Just look closely.

What’s really funny about the family getting ready for the birth of a child is that having the child is really only the dumb horror movie mistake that this family could have made (there is one other at the beginning but I won’t spoil it). And that’s another thing I love about this movie, the rest of the actions in the movie of the family are just and sound and not stupid. In fact, they are put into situations by outside influences, not their actions, and have to retool what they do in order to survive these new impending situations. I was never slapping my forehead wondering why a character as being so stupid. I was slapping my forehead because this family keeps getting the shaft and it really isn’t their fault at all.

The movie has done a good job in the marketing of keeping the full view of the creatures/aliens out of the promotional material. Good, these things are fucking frightening, and I am not going to ruin their look by describing it on here. Let’s just say whoever design them did a hell of a fucking job. Every human actor, what few there are, is great in this, Krasinski and Blunt bring their A game, but the show is completely stolen by their oldest daughter who is deaf herself (she’s deaf in real life too). Her performance here is amazing and show stopping whenever she is featured on the screen.

The movie runs a really really tight 95 minutes. There is no fat, no filler. Everything on screen is important and I was on the edge of my seat the entire time, never bored. The movie ends right when it needs to. In my mind I was shouting, please end here, if you end here, you will be a near perfect movie. And it ended there. I almost even teared up. A Quiet Place is required viewing in the theater if you can respect those around you. It is an exhilerating experience seeing it with a sold out crowd and nobody making a sound except when the jump scares (again, all earned) frighten them. If you can’t shut the fuck up or not take out your phone during the movie, then don’t go. You won’t like it at home as much I think, but come on, it’s only 95 minutes. Can you not have ADD, shut off your fucking phone, and close your fucking mouth? It isn’t that hard. Damn. Sorry. Yeah, go see A Quiet Place. It’s a quiet masterpiece.

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