Recently I have come to a major crossroads in my life, I am not sure if it because I am about to turn 34 and not living the life I envisioned, or if I am changing… or if I just truly reached a point of change. I realized I am just living not living my life with passion or living the life of my dreams.
Major changes are happening in my life & I can honestly say I have smiled more recently than I have in years, because for the first time I am pursuing the life of my dreams.
Now I am not ready to announce all my changes just yet, but I am ready to talk about the psychology of letting things go to pursue passion.
I have a few things I am passionate about. Those I love, traveling and animals. I would do anything for the people I love, I love to travel & I love animals.
So recently I had a major lightbulb moment, the reason I have felt so unhappy is because I am not pursuing any of my passions. This moment was interesting and hit my like a mack truck. I was laying on my bed looking at my closet when I noticed all my purses, dresses and a wallet that had the tags on it. Things I bought to fill a void I didn’t realize I had at the time… in total, I had spent over $2,000. Now I am not telling you this to brag, in fact, it is almost the exact opposite I am telling you buying those expensive bags and dresses did nothing to make me happy. They were just things that I didn’t truly need. They made me so happy in fact they are still sitting in my closet with tags on them….
After getting hit with the unexpected wave of emotion I started looking at everything else around me, autographs that are in boxes and not displayed, comic books sitting in a stack, more clothes with tags, books that I have read once, movies I have never watched… Stuff I do not use yet bought for some reason that I can’t tell you today.
None of these items make me feel passion. When I was looking at my stuff the things that did give me passion and make me smile, the box of trinkets from my grandmother, photos I took, the few trinkets from travels… things I have that invoke memories.
Then my mind being the way it is started to realize this is why I have not been to China, why I have not swum in the Amalfi Coast… why I did not go to Shreveport with my grandmother before she died. I spent all my damn money on stuff that still has tags on it.
I think back to things that make me happy they are all memory driven, I think that is why I am not one that feels I have to own a house or anything really. I have never felt like it is a must do in my life. Yet, when it comes to things I must do they are all memory driven. I have never regretted not owning things, but I have regretted missing out on opportunities.
I am not knocking those that love to shop and truly get a thrill from items that they buy. I am not knocking homeowners, I am not knocking anyone that has pursued a passion that is different from my own. I just realized I was not pursuing my passion. That it is all money I have spent instead of spending on meaningful experiences, like going to China with my mom, or going to Sri Lanka to see wild elephants, or seeing sea turtles run for the ocean.
I feel as if I am on the verge of major life changes & for the first time, I feel free. I am laughing as I type this because all of this truly stemmed from me trying to unload 90 items in 90 days. I am doing pretty awesome at that challenge with a garage sale planned next weekend. I am pretty sure people at work feel I have fallen off the deep end with all the life changes that have been thrown around, and I am pretty sure people in my personal life are truly wondering what the hell is going on with me, BUT I can say getting rid of stuff so I can start my life on the right path is liberating and freeing.
Now it is time to save money so mom and I can make it to China….soon and to finally live every single day I have left, with passion.