For the blog hop, I decided to talk about something very personal, my regrets.
Truth is I love things that go bump in the night… vampires are sexy, if the werewolf looks like Alcide, he can do whatever he pleases, Loki’s have to be the hottest thing in Hades… These things do not keep me up at night.
Regrets keep me up at night.
My life lately has been a mess. I feel lost, unorganized and I feel as I am just going through the motions. Somedays I feel as I am existing and not living.
I am not sure if it is because I have a birthday coming up, or if it is because September was one of the hardest months I have had in a very long time. Whatever the reason, I feel as life is passing by and I am wasting any talents and moments given to me.
Truth is September hit me hard.
I had to let Sable go. I loved that dog so much, and yes while she was only a dog, she meant a lot to me. Even right now as I am thinking about her greeting me at the door every single day, I am tearing up. Because of Sable’s passing I found myself having regrets.
I should have walked her more, I should have took her outside more… I should have rubbed her ears more…
At the same time Sable was dying, I found out I needed a major medical procedure, one that cost a lot of money.
Money I didn’t have.
As I was laying in bed crunching numbers I had another set of regrets coming my way… I don’t save enough, I should have taken better care of myself… I should man up and ask for that raise… again. Honestly, I should find another job….
I found out one of my friends died. I have not spoken much about this, because this was something that hit me very hard… and because it forced me to realize all the decisions I have made for others, and once again regrets. When someone your age dies, it makes you realize you are not guaranteed tomorrow. So you should live every day like your last… but as I laid in bed that night what did I think of?
Regrets. Regrets. Regrets
I should have called more, I should have visited more…. I should stop planning trips and go on trips… I should go back to school…
Truth is, in 3 days I will turn 31. Most people at my age have lived a pretty solid life, they have houses, kids, the white picket fence… and if they don’t, they have something to show for it… a passport filled with stamps, a stellar 401k…
I lack all of that. Sure I have a job (that I hate) and amazing family but I lack something.
As I was thinking about what is lacking, a lightbulb went off and I realized I lack follow through. I intend on doing something, will plan it and then stop short of accomplishing it.
Now I know myself, and I know that I often will worry about the bad (my nickname is stormy little rain cloud for a very good reason) so it is time to wake up and realize I control my destiny.
The only one that can force regrets on myself is me. I am the reason I have regrets not others.
So I decided that when I turn 40. I may still have regrets (I am human) but I will have learned to follow through and do what I want in life.
It is time to take control of my destiny.
So how am I going to do this you ask?
Starting in October… every month I am going to pick something I have always wanted to do and do it… whether it is a project, a trip or learning how to write the numbers 1-10 in Mandarin. I am going to do something. As I am a blogger and love my little space in cyberspace I am of course going to share these experiences with the world. I am going to call the series, living life without regret 🙂
This month was about admitting my regrets & issue with following through and OH I am going to figure out how to string that damn sewing machine!!!
Now it is time to do something about it.
What are your regrets? How do you live life without regret??