A big part of my life is my fangirling. I am the nerdiest person at work, I can talk hours about Marvel, Chris Evans and Thor. That being said when it comes to being a nerd I have NOTHING on Greg.
It is no secret that my favorite part of escaping my work cubicle is to travel, but a close second is to go to comic con which I write about often. I decided that I needed to up the nerd factor of this website, so I asked Greg to write for The Cubicle Escapee. He is a gamer, nerd and one of my go-to’s when I have nerdy questions. The other person is JMM, but he doesn’t want to write for me 🙁 I have finally convinced Greg to write about all things nerd among other things.
Anyway I digress. Let me give you a little back story about Greg. I have known Greg since we were 16. Actually true story, “we dated” but it didn’t work out. Which we joke about often. 16 years later we are much better friends than we could have ever fathomed at 16.
But, Greg and I have a crazy hilarious history. When two nerds (who were in the nerd closet) date and then later become friends that talk just about every day that is a formula for a hilarious history and story time.
So let me go ahead and put this out there this one time when we were 16… we stole tires from a dead person.
Ok, pump the brakes. I promise this was not the start of my life as a felon, but well a very crazy night that ended up getting our mutual friend Lacey grounded, Greg having to be the sacrificial lamb that called his parents and me getting away free.
So how does one end up stealing tires from a dead person?
One night my friend Lacey and I decided we were going to pull a “let’s tell our parents I am staying at your place, but really go meet up with the guys” con. We really had plans of staying at Lacey’s sister’s place but my dear readers that would never occur this night.
So we drove to Wills Point, Texas to pick up Greg and his friend and decided to drive around and be stupid kids. This is what you do in small town Texas so I am so sorry to disappoint. Believe me those of you that did not grow up in a super small town count your blessings.
Anyway, we ended up meeting this kid that was like 14 or something and Lacey being Lacey thought he was cute. So Lacey did what any logical 16-year old kid who thought a guy was cute would do… she let him drive her car.
This is where the details get a little blurry. All I remember is I was sitting in the back of a car when I feel an impact, hear a pop and then suddenly see steam. He had wrecked her car.
When the five of us got out of the car we of course flipped out. It was after midnight, none of us were where we should have been and we just wrecked Lacey’s car. We realized the damage was really just to the two tires and devised a plan.
We would find tires and fix the car and get the hell home and stay out of trouble the rest of the night. We are all debating how we are going to get a tire. Remember we were in a very small town and this was before Walmart was 24 hours and cell phones were not common so we had to use our wits. It is just a shame they were teenage wits.
We put a spare on one of the busted tires and drove the car into town, so we could have a better point of origin to find a tire. Lacey and Greg’s friend take off to go get his truck so they could find a tire. They could not find one anywhere and by time they got back, Lacey was in a bit of panic.
When suddenly the kid who got us into the situation to begin with speaks up. “I am pretty sure my grandmother’s tires would fit her car, she lives right around the corner.” Like I said previously Lacey was in a bit of panic so she said let’s go and we went. No questions asked. We get to the house and without further ado they start taking the grandmother’s tire. In retrospect this is horrible and I am pretty sure I have just earned my place in hell, but my dear friends the story gets worse.
Greg (I believe!) finally asks the kid that wrecked the car. ” Um, is your grandmother going to be ok with us taking her tire?”
“I think so, she’s dead” the kid said. Again, my spot has firmly been secured in hell.
Before any of us could start asking questions this is when the cops start coming. Wills Point has a strict 10pm curfew for minors and every single one of us were minors. So we did what any logical teens would do, we ran.
Except for me. I hid behind a tree. MY thoughts were if I can’t see them, they can’t see me.
Not my finest hour.
Thankfully, the cop didn’t see me (so obviously my hiding space was the bomb) after he drove away, the continued to take the tire.
“umm should we really be stealing from a dead person?” I ask Lacey.
“She doesn’t need the tire, we will put flowers on her grave or something.” I just nod, because I am pretty sure putting flowers on a grave didn’t improve my odds of getting to the pearly gates.
Well they take the tire and guess what…
It did not fit.
So not only did we steal from a dead person securing our place in hell, we were back at square one. By this point it was around 3am, and I was exhausted. Lacey decides to call her boyfriend (why we didn’t do this to begin with) I figured no matter what by this point we were going to get busted by the cops and my ass was surely going to end up grounded or dead… so I said I was going to go to sleep in the car while they go find a tire.
To make this already very long story, short Lacey came back no less than 7 times with the “wrong sized” tire. Where she got these tires I will never know, finally she came back and said she stole a tire from her ex.
It fit but the car still had a spare so instead of going home, we decided it was time to call someone’s parents.
Making Greg the sacrificial lamb.
Lacey then lied to her parents saying someone hit her car bending the rim and popping the tire. Her dad then shows up at our house looking for the rim which we didn’t have.
Lacey got grounded.
How did I get away without being grounded? Well when Lacey’s dad showed up my cousin Trish was there, Trish was 22 and a respectful adult that told Lacey’s dad she would tell my parents that we were obviously lying about something.
Trish never told. Which is why I never got in trouble. She completely saved my ass. Cause believe me it would have been in big big trouble.
In fact, my parents never knew this story.
I guess they do now.
So everyone this is just one of many stories involving my long friendship with Greg.
I hope you enjoy his stories and posts.
And oh… can you say a few prayer for my soul? I am pretty sure I need them to get to the pearly gates 🙂