Category Archives: The Cubicle Escapee

Death By Honeymoon (Caribbean Murder #1) by Jaden Skye

On the rugged, wild, eastern shore of Barbados, Cindy and Clint are enjoying their dream honeymoon, when paradise quickly turns into hell. Cindy finds her newly beloved taken away from her, drowned in a freak accident in the ocean. The local police are quick to declare it an accident, to insist that he was caught in a sudden riptide. But Cindy, left all alone, is not convinced.

Cindy must return to her and Clint’s now-empty home in New York and face her in-laws, who never wanted Clint to marry her, and who did everything to make her engagement and wedding hell. She must deal with all of these women’s backbiting, gossiping and unspoken accusations, while she tries to get a handle on her own grief and to get clear on what really happened to Clint.

Cindy is mailed an anonymous photo of a woman she had never met, addressed to Clint. As she tries to unravel the mysterious package, as she begins to dig deeper into Clint’s emails and files, she realizes how many secrets Clint had been hiding from his past. She realizes that she didn’t really know the man she loved. And she also realizes that Clint was murdered.

She digs deeper, into the depths of Clint’s massive corporation, DGB oil, and as she starts to unearth information she shouldn’t, she goes too far. Soon her own life is in peril. On the run, she realizes that the only way to get answers, and to save her own life, is to return to where it all began: Barbados. As she heads into the dark underside of the island, into the heart of the local villages, she is shocked to discover what really happened to her husband on their honeymoon.

But by then, it may already be too late.


My Review:  When I returned home from China I was in a major battle with jet lag and yes I admit a bit of stress about being unemployed.  SO I thought that maybe if I found a book set in Barbados I would be entertained for a least a few hours while everyone peacefully slept.

While I admit this book had a bit of editing issues (for some reason people on Goodreads LOVE being assholes about this) the book was still very entertaining.  It was predictable but mostly because I love a good murder mystery and in my defense I predict a lot of endings.

That being said I loved this book and the main character.  She is stubborn as hell but at the same time vulnerable which made for a great story.  Plus this book is set in Barbados 🙂

I will continue to read additional books in this series and it is a lot of fun if you need a quick read one day.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: LOVE, SIMON

Let’s get this out of the way right now, you don’t have to be gay to love LOVE, SIMON. (I don’t know why some morons on social media are saying that you have to be. They are either homophobic assholes or just don’t know shit and need to leave the human race). In my opinion, this movie could be loved by everyone, anyone. Also in my opinion, but I look at this as absolute truth, if you don’t come out of Love, Simon either loving it or getting choked up at certain moments, maybe you need to reexamine yourself as a human being. I know this is pretty early in the year but there is always one high school/school comedy/dramedy each year that comes out on top and above all the mediocre rest. 2016 was The Edge of Seventeen, 2017 was Wonder, and I have a feeling Love, Simon has already won 2018.

If your head is up your ass, or you don’t watch TV or go to the movies much, the film is about a high school guy named Simon that knows he has been gay for about 4 years, but is hiding it from everyone: family, friends, etc. He doesn’t know when or the right time to come out. On the high schools own social web page this other student named Blue writes a post about being gay and having to keep the  secret from everyone, not knowing what to do. Simon sees this post and decides to respond, using an alias himself, and after his post his life is thrust into a whirl wind of revelations, some heartfelt, some filled with heartache, and he might have to make a decision sooner rather than later to come out to everyone.

Since I am not gay, and I am not in high school at this time, I don’t know whether to tell you whether or not this is the quisisential movie of our time about knowing you’re gay when you are young,  having to deal with it with others, keeping it a secret, when to come out etc.  I do know that the movie felt real, with a little light splash of Hollywood glitz and glam here and there (especially toward the very very end). It felt real with the acting, the dialogue, and the story. If I have one complaint about the film, is that I would think that it might be a little bit darker of an experience once you come out to everyone in real life. I have a feeling that high school kids would be meaner or someone like that would have a tougher time. But then again, like I said, I didn’t go through that, so I don’t know. I’m just doing a movie review here and letting you know that I really liked it.

What did I really like about it then? I really liked that the movie kept me guessing the identity of Blue, and when revealed, was actually shocked. Its marketing has kept the identity very well hidden and I hope that it isn’t spoiled for others. I loved the acting. You think the guy that plays Simon, Nick Robinson, is a fresh face, but you are wrong. He has been in some high profile stuff, like Jurassic World, Everything Everything, and The Kings of Summer, but with his amazing performance in this, he is likely to shoot up to the big time quick. Katherine Langford is also in this, you know, the main suicide girl in 13 Reasons Why, and even though she isn’t in this too much, she actually shows she has some range, by playing someone completely different from Hannah Baker and pulling it off. Jennifer Garner is great in her role as Simon’s mom, and I only wish that TV spots weren’t giving away some of her very sentimental speech near the end of the film to her son. And if you’ve ever had a doubt about Josh Duhamel, like I have countless times, this is his best role to date, playing Simon’s dad, but having some playful edge to him and actually feeling like his first true character he has ever inhabited.

The movie is a tight hour and 50 minutes, and it didn’t even feel that long. I laughed quite a bit, and the film earned all of my emotions instead of trying to force them out of me. This was written by scribes that have written for This Is Us and directed by the main head honcho producer of the CW DC superhero Universe Greg Berlanti. Since this is mainly a point and shoot movie, with the director, you gotta make sure you capture the performances, and with this he does an extremely good job, but he is sure to throw in a musical (really funny ending) number in there to let audiences know that he could be even better at different things. And thankfully, unlike This Is Us, which seems to throw too much heartache and doesn’t balance enough happiness with its stories, doesn’t lay the sentimentality in this too thick. It felt like just the right amount, and didn’t go into too much into a sappy ass territory.

Finally, I forgot to mention movie is based on a book that I would now like to read call Simon Versus The Homo Sapiens Agenda. Yeah, I can see why they changed the title, the book title is perfect but for a movie title it would be too long. Anyway, yeah, I really really recommend this movie. And like I said, I don’t know if this is the be all end all of gay/coming out movies, you’ll have to tell me, but it was a very enjoyable and honest look about it according to my eyes. I wanted more when the end credits hit, I wanted to see more of that world and more of the characters. And if you ever feel that way when you walk out of a movie, you should know that you loved it.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: STRANGERS PREY AT NIGHT (some major spoilers)

STRANGERS: PREY AT NIGHT should be the poster boy of what NOT to do when you make a horror movie sequel to a beloved original film. The first Strangers film is bleak, horrifying, and pretty damn scary because it has a eerily realistic tone and feel to it. Strangers 2 throws all of that garbage out the window and, except for a really well done pool fight scene with the song “Total Eclipse of the Heart” playing in the background, is a fucking disaster. The film is completely unrealistic, it’s eerie factor from the first film is gone replaced by cheap jump scares and bizarre chase tactics, and all the characters constantly contradict their previous characterization choices. It is mind numbing, dull, and very annoying.

The one really good scare the film had going for it, the movie trailer and all the television spots out there ruin it. It takes place where a character, played by Bailee Madison, is in sort of this construction concrete/maybe plastic circle, with good lighting and camera work. Ruined… because they decided its all they really had and put it in the fucking marketing. Whatever, it isn’t the main problem with this film. The main, main, main, main problem, is that the took the realistic, scary Strangers that stalk and kill for absolutely no reason at all, and turned them into superhuman horror movie like monsters such as Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees. One of the characters takes a such gun blast point blank to the chest, and survives long enough to be able to say “why not?” when one character asks, “why are you doing this?” I understand that THOSE characters don’t know why they are doing this, but the audience already does if they’ve more than likely seen the first film, so we didn’t really need that dialogue to begin with.

Oh, and another one of the Strangers not only survives a car explosion, but after falling to the ground after taking a giant piece of glass out of his chest, is able to, two minutes, later, catch up to the running teen he was stalking and be able to hand on to a moving vehicle while still swinging his stupid ax. It is insulting not only to the vicious killers as characters, but it is insulting to the audience, hoping for a realistic follow up to a pretty damn good first film. I do understand that the filmmakers were trying to give the audience what they wanted, by making most of the Strangers finally get a comeuppance of sorts for their murderous psychopathic behavior, but I feel as if they could’ve still done it in a more down to Earth way like the first. Turning your killers into walking entities that almost can’t be killed takes away any and all tension your film had in the first place.

Oh, if you needed to know, this movie is about a family that is on their way to take their daughter to a boarding school because she is a hot mess in real life (gee, we’ve seen that one before haven’t we?), and stop by their Aunt and Uncle’s trailer park getaway place to spend the night, only to be stalked and killed by The Strangers. Stupid and un-creative set up huh? Surely everyone involved could’ve come up with something better than cliche upon cliche upon utter cliche of shit done thousands of times in the 80s and 90s right? I understand that horror films don’t care anymore and just need a basic set up to get to the killing because the film is a short 85 minutes long, but I mean, I feel that everyone coughing up their money to see your movie should maybe get little better nuggets of realism than what this film did.

Other than the pool scene mentioned above, everything about this movie is just rushed and lazy. Did I forget to mention that after his mom and dad are seemingly just killed, and he has one of The Strangers dead to right with a working loaded gun pointed right at her face, he doesn’t pull the trigger? Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t think anyone in their right mind would’ve hesitated and shot the full clip into that bitch. Especially when ten minutes later he’s stabbing one of them like his life depended on it, and because he didn’t kill the other a cop gets his throat slit. It’s stupid and insulting. All of it. Even the acting, the parents are stupid and non believable and Bailee Madison is there to just scream and run. Not too intricate.

This is a horror series that didn’t need a sequel. When saying it is “based/inspired on true events,” they are stretching those true events to dimensions wayyyy beyond fiction. Doing some research, there aren’t really Strangers out there, the filmmaker based the first film on that Manson-Tate murders and a couple of non violent break ins in his neighborhood when he was a kid. But the first film still worked due to its realism, so why couldn’t they have just stuck with that for the second film? Why up the ante in all the wrong ways? Let’s hope they make this franchise a real stranger, one that we never have to see ever again.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: A WRINKLE IN TIME (spoiler free)

A WRINKLE IN TIME sucks my 31 year old wrinkly balls. Sorry to be so inhumane with my first sentence, but it is the most boring movie of 2018 so far, and I couldn’t think of anything wittier to say other than I want my time back and straightened or some Back To The Future reference I’ve already done a million times before. I saw this film yesterday, and while I haven’t been reading the reviews online of the film, I just saw that it was sitting between 30 and 45% on Rotten Tomatoes, which isn’t good, and I had read a summary from a audience who saw an advance screening that said it was a misfire. I can now confirm those reports. But I’m going to go one better and say it was a HUGE misfire. Constantly I was muttering under my breath during the movie asking myself, “what the fuck is this?” and “this is the most absurd world building I have ever seen.” Add to that I almost fell asleep a few times.

So a girl and her adopted brother go searching for their father, who has been missing for four years but is believed to maybe have crossed time and space using frequencies of the mind. A kid friend from school also comes along and they run into three, I guess, spiritual light guides played by Oprah, Reese Witherspoon, and Mindy Kaling, and then they cross time and space to find the girl and young son’s father. They of course run into obstacles and a faceless darkness is after them as well. This sounds like it could’ve been an ultra uber cool trippy science fiction film for Disney, but it turns out it is about as bad as their recent renditions to do live action Alice In Wonderland films. I have asked several of my friends who have read the book and also have seen the movie what they thought, and they said while adaptation is pretty close, the book, with its words, descriptions and more depth to its characters, is so so so much better.

I hope so, because this movie does not make me want to read the book at all. Everything about it, including the visuals are just bland. No wonder Disney has been pushing the hell out of this for months, because they realized the end product wasn’t so good but that they have a fantastic marketing team. I really wanted to see this film, the trailers intrigued me, so did the cast, and the fact that Ava DuVernay was just coming off the really great film Selma a couple of years ago, everything pointed to success. But it sucked. All of it. The acting, the way everything was represented. I don’t know if it was everyone being lazy, trying to hard, a bit of both, or that Ava’s vision was just not in the right place of her mind, body, or heart.

It really is that boring. My wife was really wanting to see this film, and even she was almost bored to tears. The film has a great message, don’t get me wrong. But the message is muddled in really crappy visuals and really weird uneven world building. The world and mythological building is so weird in this I kind of want to read the book just to make sure that I understand it and that it actually makes sense when explained written down on paper. In the movie, since it isn’t the book, it has to visually and mentally connect with you to understand what is going on. DuVernay doesn’t do a good job of it at all. She has pieces here and there, but none of the pieces do a good job of explaining anything or adding up to anything, nothing fits. Here are these three supernatural beings of light that can transcend space and time, deal with it or go home. I wish I would’ve got up out of my seat before half way thru and done the latter.

The acting sucks too. Oprah seems bored, and the way her character is framed and is certain sizes and does certain things, she doesn’t seem to be with the rest of the cast the entire time (even though she is near), and green screened almost all of her scenes in. Is she really that busy and not have enough time to join the cast on set that it resorted to that? Reese Witherspoon plays just a variation on Elle from Legally Blonde and Mindy Kaling is well…Mindy. The child actors fare no better, as Storm Reid has one constant facial expression the entire film, Zach Gilifinakis is hardly in there but is still just playing his weird self, and Levi Miller seems to be just reading his lines because he isn’t given much to do and is just standing there (and I know Levi Miller can act, just watch Better Watch Out. That’s right, I’m plugging a great Christmas horror movie that is much better than this piece of crap Disney film).

The only three that do half way decent is Chris Pine (who is hardly in the film), Gugu Mbatha-Raw (who is hardly in the film and really only has one scene to sort of shine), and the adopted brother played by Deric McCabe. A little more of him would’ve been better. But this whole movie just, blows. I’m sorry it does. It seems as though Prequel George Lucas directed it, with some uninspired green screen visuals, lack of characterization, and utter nonsense. This is one of Disney’s biggest misfires in recent memory other than the Alice In Wonderland live action films. It is a huge disappointment, and right now stands as my most personal biggest disappointment of the year and the worst film of 2018 so far. That’s right, worse than Winchester, The 15:17 to Paris, Fifty Shades Freed, or my next review, Strangers 2.