Category Archives: Movies The Ultimate Escape

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: BAYWATCH

We all know that PG-13 comedies don’t work anymore. That’s why every comedy I am thinking of that comes out this summer, like BAYWATCH, Rough Night, Girl’s Night Out, are all rated R. Can you think of the last PG-13 comedy that actually worked? We need the dick, fart & vagina jokes. The ones that are clever at least. There are some R rated comedies that don’t work though. You can have the dick, fart & vagina jokes, but they aren’t that clever, and the chemistry of the actors can’t be there. With this, the jokes are hit & miss, it kind of drags a little in the middle, but the chemistry of all the actors, especially Johnson and Efron, make this film a very perfect, if ultimately forgettable, perfect one time Netflix watch.

I was bringing up PG-13 comedies because if this was PG-13, it would’ve been absolutely awful. While the jokes hit or miss, the jokes that do work are completely raunchy and wouldn’t worked edited for TV. While I think the mainstream critics are right on some of their critiques of this film, they are being a little too harsh. This food is not awful at all, at least watchable, and somewhat entertaining. It actually has  a story, and the magic charisma that Dwayne Johnson brings to every film is here and it works very well, especially with Efron. In fact, all the characters here work. Daddario has great romantic chemistry with Efron, and Rohrbach has great chemistry with the fat kid. And I also like that the fat kid didn’t have to win her the entire movie, that she actually liked him the whole time and just needed to display a little confidence to get to the next stage in their romance.

Also, Chopra (who is the main lead in TV’s Quantico), although VERY underused, made a great villain. I haven’t seen an episode of Quantico, but here acting here works, I just wished they used her a little bit more. I loved all the different names Johnson was giving Efron the entire movie, especially one that will make you laugh really hard because of it’s directness. The thing that could’ve rocked this movie into greatness though was if it poked more fun at itself, kind of like how 21 and 22 Jump Street did. There are a couple of jokes of how lifeguard’s doing what they are doing in this film is kind of ridiculous, but it doesn’t take that joke to the next level, and instead becomes buries itself in the plot that doesn’t matter, and gets a little too serious for it’s source material.

I saw this at the Alamo Drafthouse, which always has a great 30 minute pre show with selected baffoonery that gets material from Youtube that relates to the film that is about to play. I saw a bunch of ridiculous shit from Baywatch over the years, and the pre show kind of got me really amped because I saw a bunch of opportunity to really kick the old ridiculous show in the balls while also being ridiculous in its own right. And like I said, there are a couple of jokes in their, but it doesn’t take any of them where they need to go. It really is a missed opportunity and will ultimately what will make the film kind of forgettable for me in the long run.

But the critics are wrong, this movie isn’t horrible at all. It’s the perfect Netflix watch late night with friends while drunk or (I’ve never even smoked a cigarette so I’m just guessing) high as fuck. The film kind of drags in the middle, and the action sequences could’ve been more planned out, ridiculous, and fun, are kind of tame. But the film ultimately keeps it out of being mediocre from the chemistry of the leads and the good jokes that stick the landing. And the film has one of the better blooper reels in the credits that I have seen in a really long time. You won’t miss anything by seeing this in the theater, but if you are bored on a long hot summer day and you don’t want to be in a crowded pool area, you could do a lot worse than seeing this film.

Zach (& Jennifer’s) Zany Movie (& other media) Memoribilia!

Hey Fellow Cubicle Escapee’s:

If you like our giveaway’s (which we will still be doing occasionally) for those that like and want movie memoribilia but don’t trust people that you don’t know and want better prices then look into Jen and I’s EBay pages as we will occasionally sell some cool movie and other media memorabilia and will get it to you wrapped up tight, fast, safe, and sound.

Jen’s EBay handle is volunteer_travel_girl27

My EBay handle is mrmovie1201AM

I, (Zach) Currently have two items for sale:


Thanks and keep going to the movies!

Zach A.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING

So when I first posted on my Facebook page that I was seeing EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING I had also posted an in depth prediction about what was going to happen in the movie. The question is: was my prediction correct? Well, I am not going to tell you, because either giving you a yes or a no, will spoil the film a little bit. So even though I can say this movie is quite predictable, I can only say that as a fact as I have seen wayyyyy too many movies and know how stuff like this is going to go and I actively search for it. A lot of audience members will be surprised by what goes on and what happens. But the real question is, how is it as a movie? It is honestly a cute little movie that is basically harmless that makes a very great film to go on a date with or Netflix and chill at home to. (And yes, I am insinuating that people will have sex after their date watching this film).

I don’t need to really get into the plot, because as someone I know so eloquently put it, “it’s basically Bubble Boy with much heavier dramatic themes.” Instead of a boy, it’s a girl, and instead of a bubble, it is a specially designed house that keeps the girl’s disease, severe combined immunodeficiency, from going haywire. A boy moves in next door, and they fall in love, making her more eager than ever to leave the house with him and risk her illness. I have to admit that it was nice the movie didn’t overstay it’s welcome and is a tight 95 minutes that doesn’t add any fluff or filler to make it longer.

Although I think the movie is predictable, it ultimately works because of the performances and chemistry between the two leads, Amandla Stenburg (Rue from The Hunger Games), and Nick Robinson (older kid in Jurassic World and The Kings of Summer). The conversations that they have with each other and their awkwardness feel real and not just reading off lines in a screenplay. When they text each other, instead of just showing the words on screen, the filmmakers choose a unique device in making them actually talk in a kind of fantasy like diner that the girl created a model of because she is an inspiring architect. Doing this throughout the film made the picture bring out emotions and feelings that as you know, just reading a text on screen could not convey.

Being a tight 95 minutes, I bet you the book goes into deeper things I would’ve liked to see a bit more of. Like the main character’s relationship with her nurse and the nurse’s daughter. It could’ve also dived into the main character’s relationship with her mother a little bit more and maybe had even shown the accident that took her brother and father away when she was a little girl. Kind of want to read the book now because I feel it would’ve complimented the movie well to give more weight to ‘everything.’

But this movie does has it’s charms, and works a lot better than some of the other dramas like this that try and force feed you feelings without being emotionally earned. The movie earns all of this with good dialogue, performances, and creatively showing us them texting each other than just the texts on screen. If the movie hadn’t done that at all, this film would’ve just been lost in the romantic crowd. Another thing is I wish it would’ve been a little bit more unpredictable. I really wish I could go into spoilers explaining how it could’ve. But once you’ve seen the movie you will know exactly what I meant. There are a couple of places this movie could’ve gone and had plenty of opportunities to take us there. But ultimately, you have to blame the book for that, since I heard this is a pretty close adaptation. So…I guess the author is to blame for that? If I could talk to the author, I would say you have a great story, you just need to take some risks, and here is how.


Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: LOWRIDERS

LOWRIDERS basically follows the Cliched Plot and Human Relationship book from front to cover, but I have to say that it does feature Supergirl Melissa Benoist at her absolute sexiest. The film mixes in that “oh so familiar poor boy on the streets but he’s a great artist that wants so much more and for his art and name to be recognized  and gets a girl that recognizes that talent”, with “his family is divided between giving his loyalty to his older brother who just got out of prison or his “used” to be drunk father that just wants his son to work on lowriders at the custom shop that he owns.” You can completely see the whole movie right? Well you can, so the film then has to work on performances and entertainment value alone, which thankfully, it does.

I’m not saying that it is a great movie though, but I am saying it is a great Netflix watch. You get to see some pretty beautiful and custom cars and again, like I said, a very sexy Melissa Benoist. If the movie had garnered even a ounce of unpredictability, it could’ve boosted itself into a very good category. The problem is, the audience will know what will happen scenes and scenes away before the characters make those actions. There is going to be a scene where the father confronts the older brother. You know who the winner of the Lowrider contest they have in the middle of the film is going to be. You know whether our main character will get his art or his name out there or not. You know what will happen the climatic scene. You know there will be a forgiving scene as well. You know how the story will end.

If I let you sit in a room all by yourself for 10 minutes, you could tell me completely what happens in the beginning, middle, and end. No question about it. But instead of coming out as just another boring storytelling sausage link, you at least get a hot dog with some of the chili and cheese fixings entertainment wise. The performances are all there, including Theo Rossi as the brother, Demian Bichir as the father, and Gabriel Chivarria as the protagonist. And again, Melissa Benoist as the girlfriend to the protagonist. This is basically The Fast and The Furious meets any family drama without any of the racing. (I take that back, there is a kind of chase near the end that is Fast and the Furious on a very calm relaxer drug)

There is something that happens in the third act that you could completely argue with me is unpredictable. Maybe for you. But there would be literally no way to advance the story other than a lawsuit, which would be boring. It also sets up the way too predictable finally. I guess you could say that this movie is one of my guilty pleasures. There is so much going against it that me liking it I had to have been in some sort of a mood while watching it for the first time. Maybe it will not hold up in repeat viewings. But the fact is I was never really bored, the acting is there, and the short run time of 95 minutes completely flew by. There are “lower” things you could be doing with your time.